Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
