What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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