Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
