singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
