That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
