And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh god the rape fog is back!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
