He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
