He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
