Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
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