my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
