i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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