so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
