Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
