I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
