hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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