She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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