3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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