It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
