I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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