I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I just sharted jello shots
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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