fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
