what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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