he thought i was a dude.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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