HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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