i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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