I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
