i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
