i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
