Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize