There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
