I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
