mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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