the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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