i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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