Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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