mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The beer is more important than you right now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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