so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize