First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
