I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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