so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
