the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
