You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize