You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they wonβt notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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