summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
