I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
