Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
