im six kinds of drunk right now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize