I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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