i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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