All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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