tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
