I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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