Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
