just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
