I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
