I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize