Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
