Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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