I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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