Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
