I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
