I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
