After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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