It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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