So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
