I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
