good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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