facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
