why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
