You can't motorboat a personality
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
