Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
