I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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