i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
