I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
