The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize