i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
