New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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