all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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