Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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